No announcement yet.

Eye jokes thread

  • Filter
  • Time
  • Show
Clear All
new posts

  • Eye jokes thread

    My very recent loss to surgery of my left eye has prompted all sort of jokes and puns from colleagues and friends so how about adding some to this thread. Just keep them clean please.

    I'll start with a couple I remember from many years ago which were passed down to me by my father. You have my permission to groan!
    1. When my daughter presented my first grandson to me I asked what he and her husband had decided to call him.

      She replied "Isiah".

      That's an unusual name, I said. I suppose you named him after the Hebrew prophet in the Bible who foretold the coming of the Messiah?

      No she replied, we re not really that religious:

      He had a slight facial defect at birth which prompted our choice of names.

      One eye's higher than the other!
    2. So, I'm sitting in the waiting room of the prosthetic department of the local eye hospital as I'm about to be fitted with a replacement eye.

      An old guy sitting next to me senses I am a little nervous.

      " First time here? he asked.

      "Yep" I replied.

      "Don't worry, this is an easy thing to deal with and afterwards you can have some fun with a prosthetic eye and make a little money on the side"

      "What do you mean'" I said, somewhat perplexed.

      "Well, I often sit at a bar and for fun I bet whoever is sitting next to me that for 5 bucks I can show him/her that I can bite my left eye.

      "When the bet is accepted I flip out my prosthetic eye into my hand and pretend to bite it!"

      "Hey, that sounds cool" I said.:

      " But that's not all" the old guy replied. I then up the stakes by saying "I bet for 10 bucks I can now bite my good right eye"

      "Go for it !" is the usual reply.

      " I then take out my false teeth and bite the good eye!"
    Last edited by jim_mex; 12-13-2018, 06:29 AM.
    Jim in Mexico

    Logic will get you from A to B. Imagination will take you everywhere.
    - Albert Einstein

  • #2
    They are bad.... The bar joke does remind me of an screen from the old John Wayne and Dean Martin movie Sons of Katie Elder. Dean pulled a stunt similar to that.
    Creator of fine designer sawdust.


    • #3
      Glad to see you still got your snece of Humor .I like your good outlok on lift still.


      • #4
        When I was a lifeguard at Boy Scout camps (back in the last century), we had a kid who had lost an eye to a BB gun accident (yer gonna shoot an eye out with that! {nod to A Christmas Story}) and every so often, he would swim over to the lifeguard chair and tell us his eye had popped out and he couldn't find it. So, we would blow the whistle, empty the pool and the lifeguards would have to hit the bottom of the pool (he would never lose in the shallow end) to retrieve said glass orb.
        The kids would get a little grossed out, but it was just a common occurrence during the weeks he was at camp.
        When looking at the clock at work--the correct time is:
        Too early to leave, too late to call in.


        • #5
          Would eye Would eye?

          hair lip hair lip!


          Unconfigured Ad Widget


          Latest Topics


          • Hobbyhorse
            Desk top music stand
            by Hobbyhorse
            A desk top music stand using one of Steve Good's patterns, made from 45,000 year old swamp kauri and finished with lacquer. The centre scrolled portion is 3 layers of the kauri at 3mm thick and laid up like plywood. I saw this pattern on one of Sandy's cuttings and rather liked it and put it i my to...
            Today, 03:18 AM
          • leehljp
            Reply to Canisters or Bags
            by leehljp
            I have two DC units and use bags too. I have not used canisters because of what you said concerning price, and my experience with mini canister use on shop vacs. My experience in shop vacs and specifically the large FEIN 8 year old unit - is that the canister on it gets filled rather quickly; logic...
            Yesterday, 09:47 PM
          • millwab
            Reply to House warming puzzle
            by millwab
            I usually don’t give anyone a picture either. Even my Christmas card puzzles go into the envelope unassembled with no indication of what the card looks like. For this one I made up my own card for them (complete with pictures) and put the envelope inside the box. Before they opened it I warned them...
            Yesterday, 08:35 PM
          • Will M
            Reply to House warming puzzle
            by Will M
            Well done.I have been doing the same thing for my neighbors.After I take a picture of their house I add their names to it on the sidewalk.I don't give them a picture of it when I give it to them.They are really surprised when they get it together.
            Will M
            Yesterday, 07:35 PM
          • Jim McDonald
            Reply to Help
            by Jim McDonald
            Put the hammer down and slowly walk away. Twenty years of selling and supporting electronics taught me some new language and that a hammer is a poor choice for installing printer drivers. ...
            Yesterday, 06:15 PM