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  • Paraprosdokians

    Some are new and a few old ones but all true..

    "A Figure of speech in which the latter part of a sentence or phrase is
    surprising or unexpected; frequently used in a humorous situation."
    "Where there's a will, I want to be in it," is a type of

    1. Do not argue with an idiot. He will drag you down to his level and
    beat you with experience.

    2. The last thing I want to do is hurt you. But it's still on my

    3. Light travels faster than sound. This is why some people appear
    bright until you hear them speak.

    4. If I agreed with you, we'd both be wrong.

    5. We never really grow up, we only learn how to act in public.

    6. War does not determine who is right - only who is left.

    7. Knowledge is knowing a tomato is a fruit. Wisdom is not putting
    it in a fruit salad.

    8. Evening news is where they begin with 'Good Evening,' and then
    proceed to tell you why it isn't.

    9. To steal ideas from one person is plagiarism. To steal from many
    is research.

    10. A bus station is where a bus stops. A train station is where a
    train stops. On my desk, I have a work station.

    11. I thought I wanted a career. Turns out I just wanted paychecks.

    12. Whenever I fill out an application, in the part that says, 'In
    case of emergency, notify:' I put 'DOCTOR.'

    13. I didn't say it was your fault, I said I was blaming you.

    14. Women will never be equal to men until they can walk down the
    street with a bald head and a beer gut, and still think they are sexy.

    15. Behind every successful man is his woman. Behind the fall of a
    successful man is usually another woman.

    16. A clear conscience is the sign of a fuzzy memory.

    17. I asked God for a bike, but I know God doesn't work that way.
    So I stole a bike and asked for forgiveness.

    18. You do not need a parachute to skydive. You only need a
    parachute to skydive twice.

    19. Money can't buy happiness, but it sure makes misery easier to
    live with.

    20. There's a fine line between cuddling and holding someone down
    so they can't get away.

    21. I used to be indecisive. Now I'm not so sure.

    22. You're never too old to learn something stupid.

    23. To be sure of hitting the target, shoot first and call whatever
    you hit the target.

    24. Nostalgia isn't what it used to be.

    25. Change is inevitable, except from a vending machine.

    26. Going to church doesn't make you a Christian any more than
    standing in a garage makes you a car.

    27. A diplomat is someone who tells you to go to hell in such a way
    that you look forward to the trip.

    28. Hospitality is making your guests feel at home even when you
    wish they were.

    29. I always take life with a grain of salt. Plus a slice of lemon,
    and a shot of tequila.

    30. When tempted to fight fire with fire, remember that the Fire
    Department usually uses water.

    Words of Wisdom
    "The early bird may get the worm, but the second mouse gets the cheese."
    ~ Jon Hammond
    Chuck D

    When a work lifts your spirits and inspires bold and noble thoughts in you, do not look for any other standard to judge by: the work is good, the product of a master craftsman.
    Jean De La Bruyere...

    Hegner 18, Delta p-20, Griz 14 inch Band saw

  • #2
    Those are funny. Some were new to me also. Thanks, Chuck. I am thinking I might cut one or two out of wood and paste it on my office door.
    I've Got A Lot More To Learn
    About Leaving Battlegrounds Alone
    "~~ Molly Venter


    • #3
      Great list, many were new to me,

      I'd like to add one:

      Rich or poor, it's nice to have money.


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