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  • Church Ladies with typewriters

    Thank God for church ladies with typewriters. These sentences actually appeared in church
    bulletins or were announced in church services:<FONT

    1.
    Bertha Belch, a missionary from Africa, will be speaking tonight at
    Calvary Methodist. Come hear Bertha Belch all the way from
    Africa.

    2. Announcement in a church bulletin for a national PRAYER & FASTING Conference: "The
    cost for attending the Fasting & Prayer Conference includes meals.

    3. The sermon this morning: "Jesus Walks on the
    Water."
    The sermon tonight:
    "Searching for Jesus."

    4. Our youth basketball team is back in action Wednesday at 8 PM in the
    recreation hall - Come out and watch us kill Christ the King.

    5.
    Ladies, don't forget the rummage sale. It's a chance to get rid of those
    things not worth keeping around the house. Don't forget your
    husbands.

    6. The peacemaking meeting scheduled for today has been
    cancelled due to a conflict.

    7. Remember in prayer the many who are sick of our community!
    . Smile at someone who is hard to love. Say "Hell" to someone who doesn't care much about
    you.

    8. Don't let worry kill you off - let the Church help.

    9. Miss Charlene Mason sang "I will not pass this way again,"
    giving obvious pleasure to the congregation.

    10. For those of you who have children and don't know it, we have a nursery
    downstairs.

    11. Next Thursday there will be try outs for the choir.
    They need all the help they can get.

    12. Barbara remains in the hospital and needs blood donors for more transfusions. She is also having
    trouble sleeping and requests tapes of Pastor Jack's sermons.

    13.
    The Rector will preach his farewell message after which the choir will
    sing: " Break Forth Into Joy."

    14. Irving Benson and Jessie Carter were married on October 24 in the church. So ends a friendship that began
    in their school days.

    15. A bean supper will be held on Tuesday evening in the church hall. Music will follow.

    16. At the evening ser!vice tonight, the sermon
    topic will be "What Is Hell?" Come early and listen to our choir
    practice.

    17. Eight new choir robes are currently needed due to the
    addition of several new members and to the deterioration of some older
    ones.

    18. Scouts are saving aluminum cans, bottles and other items
    to be recycled. Proceeds will be used to cripple children.

    19.
    Please place your donation in the envelope along with the deceased person
    you want remembered.

    20. Attend and you will hear an excellent speaker and heave a healthy lunch.

    21. The church will host an evening of fine dining, super entertainment and gracious
    hostility.

    22. Potluck supper Sunday at 5:00 PM - prayer and medication to
    follow.

    23. The ladies of the Church have cast off clothing of every kind.
    They may be seen in the basement on Friday afternoon.

    24. This evening at 7 PM there will be a hymn sing in
    the park across from the Church. Bring a blanket and come prepared to sin.

    25. Ladies Bible Study will be held Thursday morning at 10 AM. All ladies are invited to
    lunch in the Fellowship Hall after the B.S. is done.

    26. The pastor would appreciate it if the ladies of the congregation would lend him their
    electric girdles for the pancake breakfast next Sunday.

    27. Low Self Esteem Support Group will meet Thursday at 7 PM. Please use the back
    door.

    28. The eighth-graders will be presenting Shakespeare's
    Hamlet in the Church basement Friday at 7 PM. The congregation is invited
    to attend this tragedy.

    29. Weight Watchers will meet at 7 PM at the First Presbyterian Church. Please use large double door at the side
    entrance.

    30. The Associate Minister unveiled the church's new tithing campaign slogan last Sunday: "I Upped My Pledge ! - Up
    Yours!"
    Chuck D


    When a work lifts your spirits and inspires bold and noble thoughts in you, do not look for any other standard to judge by: the work is good, the product of a master craftsman.
    Jean De La Bruyere...

    l
    Hegner 18, Delta p-20, Griz 14 inch Band saw

  • #2
    IThat is incredible, I am crying hear from laughing so hard!

    It is always nice to see good clean humor that will bring tears to your eyes.
    CAЯL HIRD-RUTTEЯ
    "proud member of the best scroll sawing forum on the net."
    Ryobi SC180VS scroll saw EX21

    Comment


    • #3
      I've seen these probably half a dozen times and they're still as funny as the first time.
      Kelly
      "All our dreams can come true, if we have the courage to pursue them." Walt Disney

      Comment


      • #4
        I loved those, Chuck. Nothing like a good laugh to start the morning ...
        Ian

        Scrolling with a Dewalt 788

        Comment


        • #5
          Even churches should have proofreaders. Those were good.
          Mike

          Making sawdust with a Dremel 1680.
          www.picturetrail.com/naturephotos

          Comment


          • #6
            sawdustus of hiawatha

            Chuck,

            My sides hurt!!!!
            A day without sawdust is a day without sunshine.
            George

            delta 650, hawk G426

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