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Deep Thoughts Imitations

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  • Deep Thoughts Imitations

    From an actual newspaper contest where entrants ages 4 to 15
    were asked to imitate "Deep Thoughts by Jack Handey."

    I believe you should live each day as if it is your last,
    which is why I don't have any clean laundry because, come on,
    who wants to wash clothes on the last day of their life?
    --Age 15

    Give me the strength to change the things I can, the grace
    to accept the things I cannot, and a great big bag of money.
    --Age 13

    It sure would be nice if we got a day off for the
    president's birthday, like they do for the queen. Of course,
    then we would have a lot of people voting for a candidate
    born on July 3 or December 26, just for the long weekends.
    --Age 8

    Democracy is a beautiful thing, except for that part about
    letting just any ol' person vote. --Age 10

    For centuries, people thought the moon was made of green
    cheese. Then the astronauts found that the moon is really a
    big hard rock. That's what happens to cheese when you leave
    it out. --Age 6

    My younger brother asked me what happens after we die. I
    told him we get buried under a bunch of dirt and worms eat
    our bodies. I guess I should have told him the truth, that
    most of us go to Hell and burn eternally, but I didn't want
    to upset him. --Age 10

    I gaze at the brilliant full moon. The same one, I think to
    myself, at which Socrates, Aristotle, and Plato gazed.
    Suddenly, I imagine they appear beside me. I tell Socrates
    about the national debate over one's right to die and wonder
    at the constancy of the human condition. I tell Plato that I
    live in the country that has come the closest to Utopia, and
    I show him a copy of the Constitution. I tell Aristotle that
    we have found many more than four basic elements and I show
    him a periodic table. I get a box of kitchen matches and
    strike one. They gasp with wonder. We spend the rest of the
    night burping. --Age 15

    When I go to Heaven, I want to see my grandpa again. But he
    better have lost the nose hair and the old-man smell. --Age

    I once heard the voice of God. It said "Vrrrrmmmmm." Unless
    it was just a lawn mower. --Age 11

    I don't know about you, but I enjoy watching paint dry. I
    imagine that the wet paint is a big fresh water lake that is
    the only source of water for some tiny cities by the lake. As
    the lake gets drier, the population gets more desperate, and
    sometimes there are water riots. Once there was a big fire
    and everyone died. --Age 13

    As you make your way through this hectic world of ours, set
    aside a few minutes each day. At the end of the year,
    you'll have a couple of days saved up. --Age 7

    Often, when I am reading a good book, I stop and thank my
    teacher. That is, I used to, until she got an unlisted
    number. --Age 15

    It would be terrible if the Red Cross Bloodmobile got into
    an accident. No, wait. That would be good because if anyone
    needed it, the blood would be right there. --Age 5

    Think of the biggest number you can. Now add five. Then,
    imagine if you had that many Twinkies. Wow, that's five more
    than the biggest number you could come up with! --Age 6

    The only stupid question is the one that is never asked,
    except maybe "Don't you think it is about time you audited my
    return?" or "Isn't it morally wrong to give me a warning
    when, in fact, I was speeding?" --Age 15

    Once, I wept for I had no shoes. Then I came upon a man who
    had no feet. So I took his shoes. I mean, it's not like he
    really needed them, right? -Age 15

    If we could just get everyone to close their eyes and
    visualize world peace for an hour, imagine how serene and
    quiet it would be until the looting started. --Age 15
    DW788. -Have fun in the shop or it isn't a hobby anymore.

    NOTE: No trees were killed in the sending of this message, but a large number of electrons were terribly inconvenienced.

  • #2
    The youth of today are the leaders of tomorrow.
    This could either be very scary or way too much fun.
    "proud member of the best scroll sawing forum on the net."
    Ryobi SC180VS scroll saw EX21


    • #3
      I go for scary. I have two teen-agers living in my house temporary (Thank God, temporary) and they are driving me up a wall. I asked My Lady if I could take the motorhome away for a couple of months and she couldn't figure out why. Of course they are her grandkids.
      Chuck D

      When a work lifts your spirits and inspires bold and noble thoughts in you, do not look for any other standard to judge by: the work is good, the product of a master craftsman.
      Jean De La Bruyere...

      Hegner 18, Delta p-20, Griz 14 inch Band saw


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