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29 lines to make you smile

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  • 29 lines to make you smile

    1.. My husband and I divorced over religious differences.
    He thought he was God and I didn't.
    2.. I don't suffer from insanity; I enjoy every minute of it.
    3.. Some people are alive only because it's illegal to kill them.
    4.. I used to have a handle on life, but it broke.
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    5.. Don't take life too seriously; No one gets out alive.
    6.. You're just jealous because the voices only talk to me
    7.. Beauty is in the eye of the beer holder.
    8.. Earth is the insane asylum for the universe.
    9.. I'm not a complete idiot -- Some parts are just missing.
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    10.. Out of my mind. Back in five minutes.
    11. NyQuil, the stuffy, sneezy, why-the-heck-is-the-room-spinning
    12.. God must love stupid people; He made so many.
    13.. The gene pool could use a little chlorine.
    14.. Consciousness: That annoying time between naps.
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    15.. Ever stop to think, and forget to start again?
    16.. Being "over the hill" is much better than being under it!
    17.. Wrinkled Was Not One of the Things I Wanted to Be When I Grew up.
    18.. Procrastinate Now!
    19.. I Have a Degree in Liberal Arts; Do You Want Fries With That?
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    20.. A hangover is the wrath of grapes.
    21.. A journey of a thousand miles begins with a cash advance
    22.. Stupidity is not a handicap. Park elsewhere!
    23..They call it PMS because Mad Cow Disease was already taken.
    24..He who dies with the most toys is nonetheless DEAD.
    25..A picture is worth a thousand words, but it uses up three thousand
    times the memory.
    26..Ham and eggs…A day's work for a chicken, a lifetime commitment for a
    27.. The trouble with life is there's no background music.
    28.. The original point and click interface was a Smith & Wesson.
    29.. I smile because I don't know what the hell is going on.
    Appreciate every single thing you have, especially your friends! Life is
    too short and friends are too few.


  • #2
    Thanks for the chuckles Evie!

    DeWalt 788

    aut viam inveniam aut faciam

    God gives us only what we can handle.. Apparently God thinks I am one tough cookie.....


    • #3
      Too many of them are too close to reality for me.

      Thanks for the laugh Evie.
      "All our dreams can come true, if we have the courage to pursue them." Walt Disney


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