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  • Dog Stories

    Dog's diary:
    8am -- Oh Boy! Dog food! My favorite!
    9am -- Oh Boy! A car ride! My favorite
    10am - Oh Boy! A walk! My favorite!
    11am - Oh Boy! A car ride! My favorite!
    Noon - Oh Boy! The kids! My favorite!
    1pm -- Oh Boy! The yard! My favorite!
    3pm -- Oh Boy! The kids! My favorite!
    4pm -- Oh Boy! Dog food! My favorite!
    5pm -- Oh Boy! Mom! My favorite!
    7pm -- Oh Boy! Playing ball! My favorite!
    9pm -- Oh Boy! Sleeping in master's bed! My favorite!

    Cat's diary:
    Day 183 of my captivity...My captors continue to taunt me with bizarre little dangling objects. They dine lavishly on fresh meat, while I am forced to eat dry cereal. The only thing that keeps me going is the hope of escape, and the mild satisfaction I get from ruining the occasional piece of furniture. Tomorrow I may eat another house plant.
    Today my attempt to kill my captors by weaving around their feet while they were walking almost succeeded -- must try this at the top of the stairs.
    In an attempt to disgust and repulse these vile oppressors, I once again induced myself to vomit on their favorite chair -- must try this on their bed.
    Decapitated a mouse and brought them the headless body, in an attempt to make them aware of what I am capable of, and to try to strike fear into their hearts. They only cooed and condescended about what a good little cat I was. This did not work according to plan.
    There was some sort of gathering of their accomplices. I was placed in solitary throughout the event. However, I could hear the noise and smell the food. More importantly I overheard that my confinement was due to MY power of "allergies." Must learn more about what this is, and how to use it to my advantage.
    I am convinced the other captives are flunkies, or more likely snitches. The dog is routinely released and seems more than happy to return. He is obviously a half-wit.
    The bird on the other hand has got to be an informant, and speaks with them regularly. I am certain he reports my every move. Due to his current placement in the metal room, for now his safety is assured. But I can wait; it is only a matter of time...Time is my friend, I can wait, I will repay them all.
    *****
    HOW MANY DOGS DOES IT TAKE TO CHANGE A LIGHTBULB?
    Golden Retriever: The sun is shining, the day is young, we've got our whole lives ahead of us, and you're inside worrying about a stupid burned out bulb?

    Border Collie: Just one. And then I'll replace any wiring that's not up to code.

    Dachshund: You know I can't reach that stupid lamp!

    Rottweiler: Make me.

    Boxer: Who cares? I can still play with my squeaky toys in the dark.

    Lab: Oh, me, me!!!!! Pleeeeeeeeeze let me change the light bulb! Can I? Can I? Huh? Huh? Huh? Can I? Pleeeeeeeeeze, please, please, please!

    German Shepherd: I'll change it as soon as I've led these people from the dark, check to make sure I haven't missed any, and make just one more perimeter patrol to see that no one has tried to take advantage of the situation.

    Jack Russell Terrier: I'll just pop it in while I'm bouncing off the walls and furniture.

    Old English Sheep Dog: Light bulb? I'm sorry, but I don't see a light bulb!

    Cocker Spaniel: Why change it? I can still pee on the carpet in the dark.

    Chihuahua: Yo quiero Taco Bulb.

    Pointer: I see it, there it is, there it is, right there.....

    Greyhound: It isn't moving. Who cares?

    Australian Shepherd: First, I'll put all the light bulbs in a little circle...

    Poodle: I'll just blow in the Border Collie's ear and he'll do it. By the time he finishes rewiring the house, my nails will be dry.

    The Cat:
    "Dogs do not change light bulbs. People change light bulbs. So, the real question is: How long will it be before I can expect some light, some dinner, and a massage?"
    Chuck D


    When a work lifts your spirits and inspires bold and noble thoughts in you, do not look for any other standard to judge by: the work is good, the product of a master craftsman.
    Jean De La Bruyere...

    l
    Hegner 18, Delta p-20, Griz 14 inch Band saw

  • #2
    LOL Chuck Thats good ,sounds like my cat lol

    Charlie,
    Charlie
    "Everything Happens for a Reason"
    Craftsman 18in. 21609

    http://wolfmooncreations.weebly.com

    Comment


    • #3
      Good one Chuck

      Yep,

      That about says it all.



      Regards,
      Marcel
      http://marleb.com
      DW788. -Have fun in the shop or it isn't a hobby anymore.

      NOTE: No trees were killed in the sending of this message, but a large number of electrons were terribly inconvenienced.

      Comment


      • #4
        St. Bernard: Well...I suppose I should get up and change the bulb. It's something I should do, just like getting up to exercise. I'd feel a lot more like changing the bulb if someone would rub my belly first. Well, I better change the bulb of else my master is going to get up and make me move so he can change it. Oh, well, it's easy to reach if I stand on my hind paws...

        Newfoundland: I just jumped out of the cold water and I'm soaking wet and you want me to play with electricity???????

        Bob
        Last edited by BobD; 08-14-2006, 02:49 PM.
        www.GrobetUSA.com

        Comment


        • #5
          Good addition Bob, Anyone else???? (except for cats)
          Chuck D


          When a work lifts your spirits and inspires bold and noble thoughts in you, do not look for any other standard to judge by: the work is good, the product of a master craftsman.
          Jean De La Bruyere...

          l
          Hegner 18, Delta p-20, Griz 14 inch Band saw

          Comment


          • #6
            Beagel: Woodstock, you fly up there, I'll jump up and hang on to your feet and we can spin around....

            Beagle 2: Let me avoid the Red Baron, grab ahold of the light bulb, and spin around

            Any pet of Paris Hilton's: Please, please, please just let me stick my tongue into the live socket........

            Bob
            www.GrobetUSA.com

            Comment


            • #7
              Schnauzer: Light, what light. I don't see any light out.

              (At least ours is this dumb. Lovable as can be, but dumb as a box of rocks)
              Kelly
              "All our dreams can come true, if we have the courage to pursue them." Walt Disney

              Comment


              • #8
                It's really difficult to reply to this one. I have to take my Bullmastiff, Beavis, to the vet tomorrow. I don't know if he'll be coming home this time.
                If it don't fit, don't force it....get a bigger hammer!!

                Comment


                • #9
                  Hey Neal our prayers are with you and your buddy Beavis.
                  CAЯL HIRD-RUTTEЯ
                  "proud member of the best scroll sawing forum on the net."
                  Ryobi SC180VS scroll saw EX21

                  Comment


                  • #10
                    Thanks Carl.....It's really more than I can cope with at the moment. He's been a fine friend.
                    If it don't fit, don't force it....get a bigger hammer!!

                    Comment


                    • #11
                      Love and strength to you Neal
                      ...~Robert~
                      DW788 and Hawk 226

                      " Please let me grow to be the man my dog thinks I am "

                      Comment


                      • #12
                        Beavis is very much in my thoughts; as are you, my friend.

                        Gill
                        There is no opinion, however absurd, which men will not readily embrace as soon as they can be brought to the conviction that it is readily adopted.
                        (Schopenhauer, Die Kunst Recht zu Behalten)

                        Comment


                        • #13
                          Good Luck Neal.
                          I have an old Golden and I worry about him all time.
                          You get very close to them over the years, they become very good friends.

                          Bob
                          Delta P-20 & Q-3

                          I wondered why the baseball was getting bigger. Then it hit me!

                          Comment


                          • #14
                            My shop hound and I are more than friends. I will very much regret the day I have to send him on his final journey, but I will be with him at the start.
                            Chuck D


                            When a work lifts your spirits and inspires bold and noble thoughts in you, do not look for any other standard to judge by: the work is good, the product of a master craftsman.
                            Jean De La Bruyere...

                            l
                            Hegner 18, Delta p-20, Griz 14 inch Band saw

                            Comment


                            • #15
                              I am so sorry Neal. I'll thinking good thoughts for you and Beavis.

                              My weiner/chihuahua mix is battling cancer and I know its only a short amount of time we have left together. He's been my constant companion for 9 years now. We share the same spot on the sofa whenever we watch TV.
                              Kelly
                              "All our dreams can come true, if we have the courage to pursue them." Walt Disney

                              Comment

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