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Things my mother taught me

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  • Things my mother taught me

    1. My mother taught me TO APPRECIATE A JOB WELL DONE.
    "If you're going to kill each other, do it outside. I just finished
    cleaning."

    2. My mother taught me RELIGION.
    "You better pray that will come out of the carpet."

    3. My mother taught me about TIME TRAVEL.
    "If you don't straighten up, I'm going to knock you into the middle of
    next week!"

    4. My mother taught me LOGIC.
    " Because I said so, that's why."

    5. My mother taught me MORE LOGIC.
    "If you fall out of that swing and break your neck, you're not going to
    the store with me."

    6. My mother taught me FORESIGHT.
    "Make sure you wear clean underwear, in case you're in an accident."

    7. My mother taught me IRONY.
    "Keep crying, and I'll give you something to cry about."

    8. My mother taught me about the science of OSMOSIS.
    "Shut your mouth and eat your supper."

    9. My mother taught me about CONTORTIONISM.
    "Will you look at that dirt on the back of your neck!"

    10. My mother taught me about STAMINA.
    "You'll sit there until all that spinach is gone."

    11. My mother taught me about WEATHER.
    "This room of yours looks as if a tornado went through it."

    12. My mother taught me about HYPOCRISY.
    "If I told you once, I've told you a million times, don't exaggerate!"

    13. My mother taught me the CIRCLE OF LIFE.
    "I brought you into this world, and I can take you out."

    14. My mother taught me about BEHAVIOR MODIFICATION.
    "Stop acting like your father!"

    15. My mother taught me about ENVY.
    "There are millions of less fortunate children in this world who don't
    have wonderful parents like you do."

    16. My mother taught me about ANTICIPATION.
    "Just wait until we get home."

    17. My mother taught me about RECEIVING
    "You are going to get it when you get home!"

    18. My mother taught me MEDICAL SCIENCE.
    "If you don't stop crossing your eyes, they are going to freeze that
    way."

    19. My mother taught me ESP.
    "Put your sweater on; don't you think I know when you are cold?"

    20. My mother taught me HUMOR.
    "When that lawn mower cuts off your toes, don't come running to me."

    21. My mother taught me HOW TO BECOME AN ADULT.
    "If you don't eat your vegetables, you'll never grow up."

    22. My mother taught me GENETICS.
    "You're just like your father."

    23. My mother taught me about my ROOTS.
    "Shut that door behind you. Do you think you were born in a barn?"

    24. My mother taught me WISDOM.
    "When you get to be my age, you'll understand."

    25. And my favorite: - My mother taught me about JUSTICE.
    "One day you'll have kids, and I hope they turn out just like you!"
    http://marleb.com
    DW788. -Have fun in the shop or it isn't a hobby anymore.

    NOTE: No trees were killed in the sending of this message, but a large number of electrons were terribly inconvenienced.

  • #2
    Please NO MORE, my stomach can't take it.


    Marsha
    LIFE'S SHORT, USE IT WELL

    Comment


    • #3
      No. 7 was my mother's favorite. 23 was a close second during the summer

      She never did worry about the clean underwear thing.
      Kelly
      "All our dreams can come true, if we have the courage to pursue them." Walt Disney

      Comment


      • #4
        These sound so familiar.
        Jim
        DeWalt DW788 & Dremel 1680

        Comment


        • #5
          This is a detective story ... So Pay Close Attention!!!

          Three elderly ladies are excited about seeing their first baseball game.

          They smuggle a bottle of whiskey into the ball park.

          The game is real exciting

          and they are enjoying themselves immensely

          mixing the Jack Daniel's with soft drinks.

          Soon they realize that the bottle is almost gone

          and the game has a lot of innings to go.

          Based on the given information, what inning is it

          and how many players are on base?



          Think!



          Think some more!!



          You're gonna love it .



          Answer:

          It's the bottom of the fifth

          and the bags are loaded!
          Chuck D


          When a work lifts your spirits and inspires bold and noble thoughts in you, do not look for any other standard to judge by: the work is good, the product of a master craftsman.
          Jean De La Bruyere...

          l
          Hegner 18, Delta p-20, Griz 14 inch Band saw

          Comment

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