Once Upon A Time

[Gill]

Once upon a time in the kingdom of Heaven, God went missing for seven days. Eventually, Michael the Archangel found him. He inquired of God, "Where were you?".

God sighed a deep sigh of satisfaction and proudly pointed downwards through the clouds; "Look son, look what I've made."

The Archangel Michael looked puzzled and asked, "What is it?"

God replied, "It's another planet, but I'm putting LIFE on it. I've named it Earth and there's going to be a balance between everything on it. For example, there's north America and south America. North America is going to be rich and south America is going to be poor, and the narrow bit joining them - that's going to be a hotspot. Now look over here. I've put a continent of whites in the north and another one of blacks in the south."

And then the Archangel said, "And what's that green dot there?".

And God said "Ahhh that's the Emerald Isle - that's a very special place. That's going to be the most glorious spot on earth; Beautiful mountains, lakes, rivers, streams, and an exquisite coast line. The people here are going to be wonderful and they're going to be found traveling the world.They'll be playwrights and poets and singers and songwriters. And I'm going to give them this black liquid which they're going to go mad on and for which people will come from the far corners of the earth to imbibe.

Michael the Archangel gasped in wonder and admiration but then seeming startled proclaimed: "Hold on a second, what about the BALANCE, you said there was going to be a balance.

God replied wisely: "Wait until you see the miserable neighbours I'm going to give them."

[Marcel in Longueuil]

Sorry Gill,

Guess you need to know politics & geography to understand it,

I had to search the web as I did not know what the Emerald Isle you are referring to were.

I found Emerald Isle in North Carolina, but figured that's not what you were talking about... kept searching and found it in the middle of page 2 of my dogpile search engine: a reference to Ireland Posters.

So I'm guessing that the Emerald Isle you are referring to is Ireland, and the neighbours? England?

It really isn't funny when it needs to be explained but I would love to visit the Irish country.

Confused,
Marcel

[PeteB]

I got it, Gill, but then I'm honorary Irish (married a half-Irish lady). My children are 1/4 Irish, and have a Russian last name, but if you were to ask them what nationality they are, guess what they'd say?

Do you have a Paddy in the woodpile somewhere?

[Jediscroller]

Hehehe, I like it
Marcel, I thought everybody knew Ireland as the Emerald Isle. I have to research my Gaelic, but I think Eire (the original Gaelic name) meant that.

(have to use my full name here....)
Kevin Patrick Daly, decended from the O'Daughlee clan (with children named Kevin, Shannon, Erin, and Brent)

[Gill]

My children are 1/4 Irish, and have a Russian last name, but if you were to ask them what nationality they are, guess what they'd say?

I'm guessing they'd probably ask if I was an immigration official .



At least some of you got the joke, and for that I'm grateful/relieved/surprised/Mexican*.



*Delete as appropriate. I thought this exercise might be useful practise in case anyone starts handing out immigration forms.

Gill

[Marsha]

Gill very funny, I loved it.

Marsha

[Woodbutcher68]

My mom's mother was Irish-English, her father- Russian-Jew. My dad's parents were from Poland. I guess I'm a mutt.
I say if you can't laugh at jokes about your heritage, don't laugh at jokes about others.

[Magpie]

Lol, that's a good story

[GrayBeard Phil]

Gill:

So I gather the 1st BIG day is June 10th in Frankfurt against Paraguay?

Phil

[Gill]

Hi Phil

'Tis indeed. Kick-off is at 2pm British Summer Time so I shall enjoy a nice lunch and then park myself in front of the TV with a mug of tea. For a couple of hours, practically the whole of England will come to a halt.

Paraguay beat Argentina in the qualifying rounds, so they won't be a pushover. It should be a good game. Then we've got Trinidad & Tobago before the crunch game of the group, Sweden.

I see the USA will start their campaign on 12 June against the Czechs. They're in a tough group but the Czechs aren't the force they once were. Italy will be much more formidable, despite the current scandal that's surrounding them, whilst Ghana is a young team with a lot of promise.

The Aussies are in the competition too, so the nationalities on this forum have a fair representation. All I can do is wish our friends down under the best of luck: with Brazil, Croatia and Japan in their group, they'll need it!

Gill

[Gill]

Carrying on the theme...

How temperature affects different nationalities

40 degrees - Californians shiver uncontrollably.
Scots sunbathe.

35 degrees - Italian cars won't start.
Scots drive with the windows down.

20 degrees - Floridians wear coats, gloves, and wool hats.
Scots throw on shorts and a T-shirt.

15 degrees - Californians begin to evacuate the state.
Scots go swimming in the sea.

0 degrees - New York landlords turn the heat on.
Scots have a last barbi before it gets cold.

-10 degrees - People in Miami are extinct.
Scots lick ice-creams.

-20 degrees - Californians all now live in Mexico.
Scots throw on a light jacket.

-80 degrees - Polar bears begin to evacuate the Arctic.
Scottish Boy Scouts postpone winter survival exercises until it gets cold enough.

-100 degrees - Santa Claus abandons the North Pole.
Scots don vests and pull down their ear flaps.

-173 degrees - Ethyl alcohol freezes.
Scots get angry 'cos they can't thaw their whisky.

-297 degrees - Microbial life starts to grind to a halt.
Scottish cows complain of farmers with cold hands.

-460 degrees - ALL atomic motion stops.
Scots start saying " A bit chilly ... eh? "

-500 degrees - Hell freezes over.
Scots consider supporting England in the World Cup



Gill

[wwalker47]

Alright Gill-

I loved both . My da's family comes Scotland and my ma's Irish. My 2 brothers and I all married Irish , oh yea, so did my son.

-Bill