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Friday Humour

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  • Friday Humour

    When Science Goes Bad

    Scientists at NASA have developed a gun built specifically
    to launch dead chickens at the windshields of airliners,
    military jets and the space shuttle, all traveling at maximum
    velocity. The idea is to simulate the frequent incidents of
    collisions with
    airborne fowl to test the strength of the windshields.
    British engineers heard about the gun and were eager to test
    it on the windshields of their new high speed trains.
    Arrangements were made. But when the gun was fired, the
    engineers stood shocked as the chicken hurtled out of the
    barrel, crashed into the shatterproof shield, smashed it to
    smithereens, crashed through the control console, snapped the
    engineer's backrest in two and embedded itself in the back
    wall of the cabin. Horrified Britons sent NASA the disastrous
    results of the experiment, along with the designs of the
    windshield, and begged the US scientists for suggestions.

    NASA's response was just one sentence...: "Thaw the chicken."


    Watson and Holmes Go Camping

    Sherlock Holmes and Dr Watson went on a camping trip. After
    a good meal and a bottle of wine they were exhausted and went
    to sleep.

    Some hours later, Holmes awoke and nudged his faithful
    friend. "Watson, look up at the sky and tell me what you

    Watson replied, "I see millions and millions of stars."

    "What does that tell you?"

    Watson pondered for a minute. "Astronomically, it tells me
    that there are millions of galaxies and potentially billions
    of planets. Astrologically, I observe that Saturn is in Leo.
    Timewise, I deduce that the time is approximately a quarter
    past three. Theologically, I can see that The lord is all
    powerful and that we are small and insignificant.
    Meteorologically, I supect that we will have, a beautiful day
    tomorrow. What does it tell you?"

    Holmes was silent for a minute, then spoke. "Watson, you
    idiot, Someone has stolen our tent!"

    Have a nice weekend
    DW788. -Have fun in the shop or it isn't a hobby anymore.

    NOTE: No trees were killed in the sending of this message, but a large number of electrons were terribly inconvenienced.

  • #2
    Here are a few more of the Mentally Challenged,

    Recently, when I went to McDonald's I saw on the menu that you could have an order of 6, 9 or 12 Chicken McNuggets. I asked for a half dozen nuggets.

    "We don't have half dozen nuggets," said the teenager at the counter.

    "You don't?" I replied.

    "We only have six, nine, or twelve," was the reply.

    "So I can't order a half dozen nuggets, but I can order six?"

    "That's right." So I shook my head and ordered six McNuggets.


    The paragraph above doesn't amaze me because of what happened a couple of months ago. I was checking out at the local Foodland with just a few items and the lady behind me put her things on the belt close to mine. I picked up one of those "dividers" that they keep by the cash register and placed it between our things so they wouldn't get mixed.

    After the girl had scanned all of my items, she picked up the "divider" looking it all over for the bar code so she could scan it. Not finding the bar code she said to me, "Do you know how much this is?"

    I said to her "I've changed my mind, I don't think I'll buy that today."

    She said "OK" and I paid her for the things and left.

    She had no clue to what had just happened.


    I recently saw a distraught young lady weeping beside her car. "Do you need some help?" I asked.

    She replied, "I knew I should have replaced the battery to this remote door unlocker. Now I can't get into my car.
    Do you think they (pointing to a distant convenience store) would have a battery to fit this?"

    "Hmmm, I dunno. Do you have an alarm too?" I asked.

    "No, just this remote thingy," she answered, handing it and the car keys to me.

    As I took the key and manually unlocked the door, I replied, "Why don't you drive over there and check about the batteries. It's a long walk."


    Several years ago, we had an intern who was none too swift. One day she was typing and turned to a secretary and said, "I'm almost out of typing paper. What do I do?"

    "Just use copier machine paper," the secretary told her.

    With that, the intern took her last remaining blank piece of paper, put it on t he photocopier and proceeded to make five "blank" copies.

    "Life is tough. It's tougher if you're stupid."

    DeWalt 788

    aut viam inveniam aut faciam

    God gives us only what we can handle.. Apparently God thinks I am one tough cookie.....


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