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Two for Tuesday

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  • Two for Tuesday

    Bran Muffins

    An 85 year old couple, having been married almost 60 years,
    had died in a car crash. They had been in good health the
    last ten years mainly due to her interest in health food, and
    When they reached the pearly gates, St. Peter took them to
    their mansion which was decked out with a beautiful kitchen
    and master bath suite and Jacuzzi.

    As they "oohed and aahed" the old man asked Peter how much
    all this was going to cost.

    "It's free," Peter replied, "this is Heaven."

    Next they went out back to survey the championship golf
    course that the home backed up to. They would have golfing
    privileges everyday and each week the course changed to a new
    one representing the great golf courses on earth. The old
    man asked, "what are the green fees?"

    Peter's reply, "This is heaven, you play for free."

    Next they went to the club house and saw the lavish buffet
    lunch with the cuisine's of the world laid out.

    "How much to eat?" asked the old man. "Don't you understand
    yet? This is heaven, it is free!" Peter replied with some

    "Well, where are the low fat and low cholesterol tables?"
    the old man asked timidly.

    Peter lectured, "That's the best part . . . you can eat as
    much as you like of whatever you like and you never get fat
    and you never get sick. This is Heaven."

    With that the old man went into a fit of anger, throwing
    down his hat and stomping on it, and shrieking wildly.

    Peter and his wife both tried to calm him down, asking him
    what was wrong.

    The old man looked at his wife and said, "This is all your
    fault. If it
    weren't for your bran muffins, I could have been here ten
    years ago!"


    Remedy for a Bad Job Day:

    When you have an "I Hate My Job" day, try this. On your way home from work,
    stop at your pharmacy and go to the thermometer section and purchase a
    rectal thermometer made by Johnson and Johnson. Be very sure you get this
    When you get home, lock your doors, draw the curtains and disconnect the
    phone so you will not be disturbed. Change into very
    comfortable clothing and sit in your favorite chair, open the package and
    remove the thermometer.
    Now, carefully place it on a table or a surface so that it will not become
    chipped or broken. Now the fun part begins - Take out the literature and
    read it carefully.
    You will notice that in small print there is a statement, "Every rectal
    thermometer made by Johnson & Johnson is personally tested."
    Now, close your eyes and repeat out loud five times, "I am so glad I do not
    work for quality control at Johnson and Johnson.
    DW788. -Have fun in the shop or it isn't a hobby anymore.

    NOTE: No trees were killed in the sending of this message, but a large number of electrons were terribly inconvenienced.

  • #2
    ha ha ha aha ahahahahahahah-- I LOVE IT--
    Marc you keep posting these please- they are so cute and they make me laugh out loud ..
    love ya --


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